“And sometimes, I laugh. And sometimes, I say, ‘I really miss you. Why aren’t you here so we can argue?'”
Wynonna Judd is sharing her grieving process after her mother, Naomi Judd, died by suicide at the age of 76 in April.
During an appearance on “CBS Sunday Mornings,” Wynonna recalled the day her mother and singing partner died.
“I got the call, and I went over, and I saw her and I said goodbye to her in the hospital, and I closed her eyes, and I kissed her forehead, and that was that,” the 58-year-old said. “And next thing I know, I’m sitting here on the side porch, and I’m just trying to figure out what’s next.”
“I did not know that she was at the place she was at when she ended it,” she told CBS correspondent Lee Cowan, “because she had had episodes before and she got better. And that’s what I live in, is like, ‘Was there anything I should have looked for or should I have known?’ I didn’t.”
“This is kind of a strange question, I guess, but …” Cowan said.
“I don’t care,” Wynonna replied.
“Yes,” Wynonna admitted. “Incredibly angry.”
“Does that ever go away?”
“No, I don’t think so, not for a while,” she said. “And I’ll let you know. I’ll call you up and literally send you a note.”
“I feel her nudging me,” she said of her mother. “And sometimes, I laugh. And sometimes, I say, ‘I really miss you. Why aren’t you here so we can argue?'”
“She told me one time,” Wynonna recalled, “she took my hand and she said, ‘My life is better because of you.’ Those are the memories that are starting to come through, more and more. I think when you lose your mother, a lot of that crap goes away, ’cause it doesn’t matter anymore. It just doesn’t.”
Of her famous sister Ashley Judd, she said the two are committed to taking care of one another.
“We both kind of look at each other like, ‘I’ve got you,’ right? And we look at each other and we say, ‘Yeah.’ We’re so united right now, I think more so than we have been in a long time.”
Meanwhile, Wynonna is going ahead this week with the reunion tour she and her mother had scheduled before her death.
“As I walk out on stage that first night, I’ll probably say something like, ‘It’s not supposed to be like this,’ because it’s not, right? It’s supposed to be the two of us. And I’m gonna be angry because she’s not there,” she said.
She went on to add: “I wanna come out on stage and sing from my toenails a song that helps someone out in that audience. … It’s about me singing to help someone feel better. That’s always in my spirit.”
If you or someone you know is struggling with depression or has had thoughts of harming themselves or taking their own life, get help. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255) provides 24/7, free, confidential support for people in distress.