17 Thoughts I Had Upon Learning That Rihanna is Pregnant

It was a major morning for “celebrity news that had me in tears” as the world learned that Rihanna and A$AP Rocky are expecting their first baby. This was obviously announced in the most Rihanna way possible, with the singer sporting her baby bump under an open jacket while out in New York, and we couldn’t be more vicariously thrilled. Below, find a list of all the thoughts I had about Rihanna’s pregnancy:

  1. First of all, MAZEL to the happy couple!
  2. Will they adopt me?
  3. Should I have a baby? If Rihanna’s doing it, it must be a good idea.
  4. Will Fenty start making onesies now?
  5. What kind of name will they choose? Are we thinking wild and celebrity-ish, or down-to-earth?
  6. Will they let me babysit?
  7. Why am I crying over A$AP Rocky calling Rihanna “the one” in an interview?
  8. Am I pregnant?
  9. No, I’m not. I think I’ll celebrate with a martini, some sushi, and a soft-cheese appetizer.
  10. Is Rihanna the kind of cool, almost French pregnant woman who will allow herself the occasional glass of Gamay?
  11. Why am I even asking? She obviously is.
  12. What kind of gift does one get for Rihanna and A$AP Rocky’s baby?
  13. Has anyone ever looked cooler than a pregnant Rihanna, walking through Harlem with her belly clearly visible under a hot pink coat?
  14. Did you know Rihanna has said she wants three or four children?
  15. And that A$AP Rocky once said “I would have a very fly child”?
  16. I mean, he’s not wrong. I bet even the sonogram was cool.
  17. Are they accepting baby gifts from random women? Because I have a children’s book I’d really like to get to them.

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